god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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