I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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