In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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