I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
