just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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