so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
