I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just pee around me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
