Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize