i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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