sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
