I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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