I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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