She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
