My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
