Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
