You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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