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Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
