yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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