the day after is always just damage control
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
