I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
