The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
