i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
