Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
