didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
