Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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