maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
