my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
