You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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