I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
