Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am spending my child support on dildos
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
