i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she pinky promised me she was 18
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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