Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize