This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
