I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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