Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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