Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
