I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
