Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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