i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
