a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
