I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
