i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
