Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
