Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
