Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
