hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
