We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
