Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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