used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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