He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
