meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
