plz talk dirty to me
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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