Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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