I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
