It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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