Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Im part way to drunk.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
