I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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