I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
