I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
