I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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