now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
